Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
