Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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