I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
