Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
