Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
