I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
