my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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