Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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