OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
