I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
