I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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