I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
