she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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