man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
