she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
