Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
