come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
