you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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