Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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