Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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