85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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