He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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