I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
