Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
