sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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