Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
