Your mouth is God's brothel.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
