two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
