dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So many bounce houses so little time
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
