Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
