Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
