Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
