i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
