my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
