I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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