And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
