i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Enjoy the penises
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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