Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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