if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
