I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
