i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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