NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
