Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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