we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
