I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
too bad you live with your parents still
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
