Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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