No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sext me about skeletons
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
