I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
