Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
