Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
