I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
