you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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